Dear Self,

It’s been a year of defiance upon a lifetime of structured achievement.  The training wheels of school did in fact serve their purpose.  I know that it seems as though they only provided a false sense confidence and incredible naivety to the progression of life after their gone, but their buffer was in fact needed.  While your head is willing to take on anything your heart needed the reassurance of the possible and the ‘what could be’. 

 

But like progressing to a 2 wheeled bike you did not expect the fall to be so far, to bleed in as many places, and to have to rediscover your own balance within the same reality.  This year has caused you to second-guess yourself, your threshold of frustrations to diminish, and your self-confidence to become nonexistent.  Your body aches from living on couches, your ego is bruised from rejection, your body is sick of being seen in the same five outfits from the same suitcase you packed before you graduated, and your soul is cold from the distance of self satisfaction and friendship.  Watching others succeed around you has moved beyond providing motivation to twisting the knife. 

 

You must remember that achievement comes in multiple forms besides signed diplomas, job histories, and lease agreements.  It is not conforming to the steps pressured to take by society or in relation to the others around you.  Because I know you.  I know who you really are and who you are not.  And you would never exchange your scrapes, bruises, broken limbs and the time it took to heal for an unblemished lifestyle.  It is not in your blood and I hope it to never be. 

 

So while you still haven’t caught the rhythm of riding you have felt the beat of falling.    A resilience, while painful to endure, creates an armor apart of the skin opposed to a phi sod we safety pin on.   Don’t mark the year on what you haven’t achieved by social standards, but what you have endured.  We both know you’ll always choose to tackle the mountain instead of the straight and narrow, the jumps instead of the smooth pavement, as well as the unbalanced instead of the kickstand. 

 

Now look beyond the 99%.  Brag about the jump you almost landed.  Brush the dirt off your pant leg.  Laugh it off.  Quit the whining.  And go again.

 

Always ready to smack you a good one,

Self